I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
