Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
