I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
