Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
