Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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