i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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