It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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