im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
