shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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