i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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