Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
no, he came in my armpit
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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