I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
