At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
