I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
