Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
