Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
