My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We have so much sex to catch up on
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
