last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
