Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
