The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You're like the curious george of whores
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Everyone says I win the strip club
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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