he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
