I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
