Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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