My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
