Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
it's great music for shaving your balls
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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