You're so nebulous sometimes
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
