Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
