we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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