I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
