We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
