Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
high people should be assigned attendants
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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