I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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