I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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