I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize