so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He did a backflip because drugs
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