If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
