Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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