I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
