You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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