I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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