If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
