What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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