hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
