What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize