I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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