just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
