If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
