If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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