well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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