It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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