You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
