idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
