Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
