this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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