If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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