Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
