Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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