Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
