So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
