Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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