Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
