I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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