Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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