maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
