I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
