I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
